Change Happens … But Do I Have to Like It?
Here’s the quick answer: No, you don’t have to like change, but you should probably learn how to deal with it.
There’s been A LOT of change in the lives of those around me these last few weeks. Here are a few of the causes: a relocation, a start, an end, not the right job for the person, the team and/or the organization, giving up, giving in, a realization, setting boundaries, letting go, death, and finding hope. Some of it has caused pain, joy and quite a bit in-between.
Yet no two people have experienced the changes the same.
I have been reminded of the “Kubler-Ross Change CurveTM“. Dr. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross first wrote about the “5 stages” in 1969. You may have heard of DABDA (Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance). Over time, it was adapted into the “Kubler-Ross Change CurveTM“.
Essentially, it helps us understand that after the moment a change happens – the decision is final, the papers are signed, the announcement is made, the doctor calls the “time of death” – it takes us time to transition into a new “normal.” Our morale and confidence waxes and wanes as we navigate through a series of stages.
Shock: Surprise or shock at the event
Denial: Disbelief or looking for evidence that it isn’t true
Frustration: Recognition that things are different; sometimes angry
Depression: Low mood and lacking in energy
Experiment: Initial engagement with a new situation
Decision: Learning how to work in the new situation; feeling more positive
Integration: Changes integrated; a renewed individual
I would venture to guess most of us don’t process the change in a linear fashion. For me, I tend to take two steps forward, a step back, two steps forward, circle back around to a step, take a step forward, and so forth. If feels a bit like untangling Christmas lights. It may feel endless but with enough perseverance it does come to an end.
There are also ways those around us can help us move forward. They remind us of what moving forward could bring, communicate with us more, encourage us more, help us remember sometimes the “why” is very obvious and sometimes it isn’t to be understood, celebrate with us when we try something new, laugh with us when things don’t go quite right and feel really awkward, and sit with us as we share our experiences.
I hope you will take some time today and reflect on the changes that are happening in your life. What stage are you in? What would be helpful to you right now? What would help you move forward, when you are ready? What hope do you see in the future? Regardless of where you are, simply acknowledge it. You might be surprised how good it feels.