Get Yourself Out of a Twist with Flexibility

Week after week, this is how the conversation went …

VP: “How are you?”

Me: “I’m good. How are you?”

VP: “Great. So, huh, the [INSERT CURRENT PROJECT] … good stuff. [SMALL PAUSE]. Here’s what I need you to change [INSERT MINOR CHANGES].“

Me: “Okay, when would you like those done?”

VP: “Whenever you can get to them.”

Me: “Okay.”

VP: “Good talk, good talk.”

And, so it went for months. After a while, I dreaded when the VP would appear at my door. It was always the SAME conversation, always the SAME minor changes. Until, one day, I finally asked him if he realized that the only time he ever came to my office was to tell me to change something very minor which could have been sent in an email.

He was clearly taken aback by my question. He paused. Then something interesting happened. He asked to sit down, took a deep breath and asked, “Would you be willing to tell me why you think that?” He listened while I quickly told him how I observed our interactions. When I was finished, he chuckled and sheepishly said, “And all this time I thought I was encouraging you because I got up from my desk and came to your office. I’d ask how you were, tell you that you did a great job with the project, and then give you a few points of improvement.” He went on to tell me that he was impressed with my work and struggled to find ways to tell me to improve. He thought he always needed to give me feedback toward improvement so that’s why he had the minor changes. And yet, all I wanted to know was that he was overall pleased with my work. I'd happily make the minor changes and thought it was a waste of his valuable time to come to my office to tell them to me. 

I am amazed how that simple conversation changed our working relationship. The VP became a mentor and sounding board for me. And, in turn, he admitted he learned a few things from me.

Think about those you lead or interact with the most. Are you really saying what you mean to say? How much of your words are packed with meaning that only you know? Consider being flexible with your conversation and asking yourself these three questions:

  • How might they be seeing the conversation/situation?

  • What might they be hearing from you in the conversation/situation?

  • What can you do differently to help them truly understand what you are trying to communicate?

  • We can not communicate enough. But make sure you are communicating what you really want to communicate.

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