What Can You Control?
As a coach, I spend a great deal of time talking with individuals about difficult situations they are facing. The situations are often caused by both outside influences as well as personal decisions. Regardless of the cause, how my clients see themselves and their sense of control over the situation plays an important role in their ability to overcome the challenges they face.
To help bring out deeper awareness of the situation, I often use the CIA model. The model begins with asking three questions about the situation.
What is directly within your CONTROL?
What is outside of your control, but can be INFLUENCED by you?
Considering the things you cannot control or influence, what is it that you need to ACCEPT?
For my client who had taken on a new role and was trying to navigate new responsibilities and expectations, their list looked like this:
I can control: my time management, my ability to ask questions and seek clarity, my effort
I can influence: my stress level
I can accept: my lack of understanding and full knowledge of my role with the understanding it is only for now during my transition
It was the accept statement which created the aha moment for my client. They realized they’d been in their prior role for 5 years and knew every aspect of the role. It was their knowledge that created a high sense of comfort for them. Yet, it was unrealistic to believe they’d have full knowledge and understanding during the first few months in their new role.
After identifying what can be controlled, influenced, and accepted, the second step in the CIA model, asks three questions about what can be done.
How will you take action on the things you can control?
How will you take action on the things you can influence?
How will you respond and adapt to the things you need to accept?
Here’s how my client answered these questions:
Control: I will ask questions and seek clarity from my leader when I truly don’t know; I will take some risks and try when I am simply hesitant
Influence: I will maintain healthy habits of sleep and exercise
Accept: I will remind myself it’s okay to not know everything. I will ask myself at the end of each week, “what have I learned?” and “what has gotten easier?” so I can monitor and celebrate my progress
The CIA model helps to identify what you can control, influence, and accept. This recognition empowers us to shift our focus from the obstacles to the actionable steps within our reach.
Remember that progress often lies not in changing the circumstances themselves, but in changing our perspective and response to them. Acceptance does not imply resignation; it acknowledges reality while maintaining the determination to move forward.
Where can you take ownership of what you can control, influence positive change where you can, and find peace in accepting the rest?