UGH! I Need A Goal [#6 in Burned Out Series]

Last week, I shared my checkpoint in moving out of burnout and into thriving again.

As promised, this week I will share my “aha” moments. There are just two …

·      I am not surprised my restlessness has not subsided. I am not content with where I am, and I am still searching for what will settle me down.  

·      VICTIM – what?!?!?!

I have never thought of myself as a victim, mostly because I believe I am pretty good at identifying the problem, setting a direction, and running towards it. However, as I examined the description a bit further, I discovered in this season of my life, I resembled most of the characteristics:  

• Being fairly dramatic and tending to withdraw, pout, and sulk

• Wanting to crumble and give up when things get tough

• Repressing rage resulting in depression, apathy, and constant fatigue

• Unconsciously attaching myself to having difficulties

• Seeking attention by being temperamental and sullen

Not pretty, I know. And not who I am.

So, I put myself through the Five Whys Process. It’s a simple and powerful process. Start with a feeling and ask yourself “Why?” five times.  

Q1. Why am I sulking, giving up, tired and temperamental?

      Answer: Because I don’t know what to do (AKA restless) to get out of this.

Q2. Why don’t I know what to do to get out of this?

      Answer: I don’t know.

Q3. Why don’t I know?

      Answer: Because I don’t know how to define it.

Q4. Why don’t I know how to define it?

      Answer: Because it’s too hard to define.

Q5 Why is it too hard to define?

      Answer: Because there are too many variables.

Q6. Why are there too many variables?

      Answer: Because I don’t have any boundaries or focus.

Q7. Why don’t I have any boundaries or focus?

      Answer: Because I don’t have a goal.

Q8. Why don’t I have a goal?

      Answer: I Just Achieved a Huge Goal!

Yes, I know. It took me eight, not five, “Why?”s to get to the bottom of it all.

Then it occurred to me, what happens to people after they achieve their goals?

 After a bit of research, I learned that individuals could experience various psychological and behavioral responses after reaching a goal. Here are a few of the most common outcomes:

• Satisfaction and fulfillment: Accomplishing a goal often brings a sense of satisfaction, fulfillment, and a boost to one's self-esteem. The feeling of success and the recognition of personal growth can contribute to overall happiness and well-being.

• Setting new goals: Achieving a goal can serve as a catalyst for setting new goals. Once a person has tasted success, they may feel motivated to pursue additional challenges and continue their personal growth and development.

• Reflection and evaluation: After achieving a goal, individuals may engage in reflection and self-evaluation. They may assess the process they followed, the strategies they employed, and the lessons they learned along the way. This reflection can provide valuable insights and inform their approach to future goals.

• Motivation and confidence: Achieving a goal can increase individuals' motivation and confidence. Success can reinforce the belief in their abilities, leading to a positive mindset and a willingness to take on new challenges.

• Maintenance and consolidation: Some goals require ongoing effort to maintain the achieved outcome. Individuals may need to establish new habits and strategies to sustain their achievements.

• Transition or redirection: Depending on the nature of the goal, its attainment may bring about a transition or redirection in a person's life. Accomplishing a significant goal can mark a turning point and shape future choices and directions.

• Potential loss of motivation: In some cases, individuals may experience a temporary decline in motivation after achieving a goal. This could be due to a sense of emptiness or a lack of purpose in the absence of a clear objective.

 And one in particular struck me profoundly.

•  Loss or void: After achieving a significant goal, individuals may experience a sense of loss or a void in their lives. They may have dedicated considerable time, effort, and energy towards pursuing the goal, and its attainment can leave them feeling uncertain about what comes next. This period of transition can lead to feelings of sadness or a need to mourn the completion of a significant chapter.

Aha – this explained so much about why my “victim saboteur” is so prevalent. I’m not necessarily sulking, giving up, tired, and temperamental. I am MOURNING the completion of a significant chapter. 

Naming that I am MOURNING has been a game changer for me.

Stay tuned for more of my journey next month. 

 What in your life is significant that you need to NAME?