What Are You Doing About It? [#3 in Burned Out Series]
Well, this is part 3 of what I am now calling my Burned Out Series.
At this point, I suspect a few of you are thinking, “Are you not over this yet?” Believe me, I have asked myself that same question. Patience, young grasshopper!
Others of you are thinking, “Would you hurry up and give me the antidote?” Believe me, if I could, I would.
What I can give you is a deeper dive into what I am concentrating on. This concentrated effort is helping me lift out of the burnout faster than I thought possible.
BLUF (Bottom Line Up Front): I am taking every negative emotion or thought captive and using it as an indicator that something needs to be explored to determine the best outcome.
If you recall, the definition of burnout has three components: emotional exhaustion, depersonalization, and decreased sense of accomplishment. These three components can drain us of energy and make it more difficult to identify and battle negative thoughts and emotions.
Extended dwelling (more than about 10 seconds) on negative thoughts and emotions can send us into amygdala hijack mode where emotions propel us into an uncontrollable urge to fight, flight, or fawn. This may or may not be what is needed in the moment or produce the best outcome.
You can’t choose your first thought,
You can choose your second thought, and
You can choose your first action.
The space between your first and second thought is where the emotional intelligence skill of impulse control is used.
I can’t choose my first thought – this is the negative thought or feeling that comes so naturally and quickly. Often called being triggered.
With practice, I use impulse control to press my internal pause button after the first thought. This allows me to stop the amygdala hijack. When I am not hijacked, I can be realistic about the present situation and have more energy and creativity.
I can choose my second thought. The pause button allows me to take the time I need to assess the situation. These are some powerful questions I have been asking myself:
What is really happening here? Not in the past. Right now, in this situation.
What do I want to accomplish through this situation?
How can I see the 10% that is good in this situation and not dwell on what is not right?
How can I turn this into an insight, a gift, or an opportunity to move in the direction I really want?
By answering these questions, I am more equipped to choose my first action which could produce a positive response and maximize the potential of any situation.
Here’s a simple example of how it played out one day.
A leader calls me to ask my opinion on a situation he is facing. As he describes the situation, I notice my negative thoughts: “Are you kidding me?” “What kind of thought process is that?” “Why in the world would they make that decision?”
I take the thoughts and feelings captive, practice impulse control, and press the pause button. I remind myself, he simply called for my opinion. My role is NOT to jump into the situation with him. The opportunity I have here is to listen and help him with an unbiased view.
I feel the negative emotions evaporate. This allows me to choose my action and calmly process the situation with him and have no attachment to the outcome.
I end the call energized rather than drained.
I am taking every negative emotion or thought captive and using it as an indicator that something needs to be explored to determine the best outcome. Truth be told, sometimes, I have to stuff it until later when I have the time or space to explore it. Yet, I am committed to it.
This is not the easiest, fastest, or most enjoyable process. Yet, it is definitely helping me out of burnout because I am seeing more positivity in my thoughts, emotions, and actions.
Always learning, always growing,
Susan