Are You Burned Out? [#1 in Burned Out Series]
A dear friend of mine shared recently that he thought he was in burnout. As we were having the conversation, I was engaged with him and empathetic to what he was going through. I have had this conversation with others over the last few years, so it wasn’t an unusual conversation. Yet, after the conversation, my mind kept pinging back to the definition he used for it. I’d heard it before, yet I had this intense “need” to find it and read it again.
The definition was from Emily and Amelia Nagoski’s book, Burnout. They define burnout as having three components:
Emotional exhaustion: the fatigue that comes from caring too much for too long
Depersonalization: the depletion of empathy, caring and compassion
Decreased sense of accomplishment: the unconquerable sense of futility, feeling that nothing you do makes any difference
I reread the definition, watched their TEDTalk, listened to a Brene Brown podcast with them, and reread the definition again. My brain went to slow motion. I could literally, and I do mean literally, FEEL it was true.
I
am
in
burnout.
I let it sink in a bit. I am in burnout.
Remember I said I could FEEL it was true? Emotions are involuntary neurological responses. The Nagoskis explain it this way: “Just about every system in your body responds to the chemical and electrical cascade activated by emotion. Emotion is automatic, instantaneous, it happens everywhere, and it affects everything.”
People really want to believe that we are cognitive rational (thinking) beings who on occasion feel. Yet, we know, because the neuroscience and PET imaging for the last decade prove it, we are emotional beings who on occasion think.
So, I sat in it for a bit. I let the feelings, and thoughts behind them, come. Most of it was head trash. Yet, some of it was useful for understanding how I got here.
And then, I asked myself one of my most powerful coaching questions: What’s my goal?
And so, clients, friends, family and whoever else might be signed up for my enews (thank you, by the way!) …
I am right where many of you are or have been. What got me here, isn’t enough to get me to my goal to get out of burnout and manage my stress in a healthy and effective way.
What I had been doing helped me survive and, in many ways, thrive. Yet, I have a choice whether I want to do what it takes to reach my new goal or stay where I am.
Spoiler Alert: I am choosing to do the work because I truly LOVE my family, my friends, my clients, and the work I am privileged to do every day. Yet, I need to be honest with myself that life (work and personal) has taken a toll on me over the last three years and what I have been doing isn’t enough anymore.
I am also not doing it alone because I know this is one of the biggest factors to success. Human tendency is that when things get really difficult, we isolate and try to go it alone. Yet, that isolation doesn’t strengthen us, it weakens us. I am so very thankful for a fabulous group of coaches partnering with me in this journey and the support of family and friends.
Here’s why I am telling you this.
First, I believe in truthfulness and vulnerability. So, I am practicing what I preach.
Second, I hope this equips or encourages you in some way. I believe some of you need to be reminded that burnout, stress, and getting stuck happens to everyone. It’s not failure. It simply means, you need new ways to deal with it and it’s an opportunity to learn and grow. And, if you don’t think it happens to you, you may have been in it or running from it for so long you can’t recognize it anymore.
Always learning, always growing,
Susan