Listen Up!
Connection comes naturally to most of us. That’s because we are wired to express ourselves and be connected with others. Just look at the usage of Facebook, Twitter, and TikTok. Most of us have an innate desire to be known and seen. However, when this need is not satisfied by people, we begin to look to other things to fill our need.
Therapist and professor of psychology, Michael Nichols shares, “Without a sufficient amount of sympathetic understanding in our lives, we’re haunted by an amorphous unease that leaves us anxious and lonely. Such feelings are hard to tolerate, and so we seek solace in passive escapism.”
He further states, “‘We usually associate passive escapism with release from stress; tiredness isn’t coming from too much work, not entirely at least. The tiredness is coming from a lack of understanding from others in our lives. We desire responsiveness and gratification which can come from a heart to heart, but often times we find ourselves drowning out the desire with electronic entertainment” (Nichols).
In one week, Americans streamed more than 156 billion minutes of content (LA Times 2020). Granted this can largely be associated with our current extenuating circumstances, but another contributing factor is likely the lack of connectedness between friends and thus the desire for escapism in our lives.
This is not a time to escape from reality but a time to act.
· Consider being a listening ear, building each other up, or being a shoulder to lean on.
· Take inventory of when and what has caused you to desire to talk to or share with another person.
· Lament. Lament what you have lost. Write it down or talk it out. Be that ear for others when they need it.
· Follow up. Check in on one another. Ask the hard questions.
Who is the best listener in your life? What makes them that way? How could you emulate that for others? Do not forget about the people right next to you. They may need it more than they lead on.
Source: Nichols, Michael P. The Lost Art of Listening. Guilford Press, 1995.