Do You Like This?

Here is what I LOVE about my daughter. She’s willing to tell you what she thinks. If you were to ask her, “Do you like this?” She’d say something to the effect of “I wouldn’t wear it.” 

Would you be offended by that comment? I know I was the first time I heard it. To me, “I wouldn’t wear it,” translated to, “It’s ugly and it makes you look frumpy.”

What I didn’t tell you about my daughter is that she’s a great listener and will answer the EXACT question.

Despite the slight offense I felt by my daughter’s comment, I pressed on for further understanding of why she wouldn’t wear it. To her, she’s simply answered the question. “Do YOU (SARAH ROZZI) like this?” And she answered honestly, “I wouldn’t wear it.” Not because it was ugly and made me look frumpy, but because my personal tastes are different from hers and I wear clothes for the workforce not for a woman in college.

Now, if I asked her the right question, “Do you like this ON ME?” she would have said, “Oh yeah, I think it highlights your figure and you look beautiful!”

What was it that allowed me to overcome her slightly offensive comment and press in to ask her a second question?

It’s a little technique I call, don’t respond to my “first thought.” You really can’t help your first thought. In fact, they are usually filled with emotion and misinformation. In this case, the misinformation I could have responded to was that Sarah was trying to offend me and the emotion that I’m hurt by her offense.

I can, however, determine my second thought. For me, that meant asking myself if Sarah meant to offend me. And I quickly determined that it wasn’t in her nature to purposely offend. She’s truthful to a fault but does not typically try to offend.

I can also determine my first action. Since, I figured out that my first thought was not correct, I needed to respond according to my second thought. She wasn’t trying to offend, so I needed to understand more about what her comment meant. Therefore, my first action should be to ask a clarifying question. Which led me to understanding how Sarah interpreted my question. Offense averted. And, yes, I love the outfit too!

Try it today! Don’t respond to your first thought and choose your second thought and first action.  

Susan Rozzi is the president of Rozzi and Associates, a leadership and organizational development company helping good leaders become great! Our programs start with the premise that great leadership skills are a product of time, practice and focused development. Our leadership development, emotional intelligence insight and career management programs can be customized to meet your desired outcomes and needs. Contact Susan at susan@rozziandassociates.com.