Thinking About Conflict

I have been thinking about conflict a lot lately. It has been on my mind for two reasons mainly. First, Rob Meyers and I have developed a new training on conflict. (Contact us to learn more.) Second, it comes up often in my coaching sessions and with my consulting clients.

Conflict is possible in any situation in which my concerns or desires differ from those of another person, the demands of a job or project, or the needs of a particular situation. It can cause a giant time-drain and abundant stress for everyone involved.

I grew up in a home in which one parent tried to avoid situations in which conflict was likely and the other wanted to ram their way through it whenever it occurred. Neither of my parents handled conflict well in every situation. But, through my experience of watching them, I subconsciously settled on my personal method of conflict resolution. Based on my own experiences in the years that followed, it became clear that I believed that ramming my way through conflict was the best way to handle it.

I didn't realize this is what I had come to believe, though, until I met my husband.

He grew up similarly. One of his parents tried to avoid conflict and the other charged right in. And he, too, was able to come to a conclusion about conflict. He believed that avoiding conflict was the best method.

Guess what? Our differing beliefs about conflict caused — you guessed it — conflict! Thankfully, we both decided that we needed to learn to resolve conflict in a healthy way. We listened to each other's positions, figured out the commonalities and differences, and determined a way forward. It must have worked because we celebrated 26 years of marriage this week. He is my best friend and a wonderful confidante. I can't imagine life without him.

What I have learned is that understanding your default conflict style can show you how to make the most of each situation. Times of conflict can actually provide incredible learning and success opportunities. The work of resolving conflict can transform a situation into something better, help you gain energy, prevent wasted time, and maybe even promote better relationships.

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Susan Rozzi is the president of Rozzi and Associates, a leadership and organizational development company helping good leaders become great! Our programs start with the premise that great leadership skills are a product of time, practice and focused development. Our leadership development, emotional intelligence insight and career management programs can be customized to meet your desired outcomes and needs. Contact Susan at susan@rozziandassociates.com.